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Thread: Husband & Wife Jokes...

  1. #1

    Husband & Wife Jokes...



    Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

    From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

    "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

    *********

    Husband & Wife - Why?

    " Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

    " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

    *********
    Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

    One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

    *********
    Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

    A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

    "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

    "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

    *********
    Husband & Wife - Problem Father

    "You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
    "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet





  2. Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage-help book when his husband turns to his wife. ''It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let's come to grips here. Honey... have you ever cheated on me? I've never cheated on you.''
    He saw the twisted look on his wife's face, and trying to supress his anger, he asked: ''How many times? And when?''

    The wife responded, ''Well... you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn't get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?''

    The husband stared. ''You mean you're the one who got him to?''

    His wife knodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ''I guess that's okay. Any other times?''

    ''Well... when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the ammount of money we had at the time... I kinda...''

    ''Ah, you're the one who made it possible.''

    The husband looked honestly relieved. ''Well, that's understandable, you saved my life. Any others?''

    She nodded. ''One more.''

    The husband leaned forward. ''Well... you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes...?''

  3. #3

    Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    i think now this hubi never ask from her wife about her honesty

  4. Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    he must have killed himself lol!!!

  5. #5

    Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    Quote Originally Posted by Desi
    he must have killed himself lol!!!
    ahhhhhhh poor wife she was doing every thing just for his hubi..

  6. Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

    They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

    Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
    'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
    The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
    A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member ! about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

    'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

    'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

    'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

    'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

    'Well,' she says, 'that's impressive, but it is still narrow.'

    'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

    'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

    The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

    'It was wonderful. How about you?'

    'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got! was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

  7. Re: Husband & Wife Jokes...

    A man went to the police station to file a report regarding his missing wife:

    Man: I lost my wife.

    Inspector: What is her height?
    Man: I never noticed.

    Inspector: Slim or healthy?
    Man: Not slim - can be healthy.

    Inspector: Color of eyes?
    Man: Never noticed.

    Inspector: Color of hair?
    Man: Changes according to the season.

    Inspector: What was she wearing?
    Man: Saree/suit - I don’t remember exactly.

    Inspector: Was somebody with her?
    Man: Yes‚ my pet dog - Romeo‚ a Labrador - tied with a golden chain‚ height 30 inches‚ healthy‚ blue eyes‚ blackish brown hair‚ his left foot thumb nail is missing‚ he never barks‚ wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls‚ he likes non-veg food‚ we eat together‚ we jog together -- and then‚ the man started crying.

    Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Man: Excellent idea‚ sir!

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